Intimacy is the foundation of any relationship. When we talk about intimacy within a relationship we are not just talking about sex, in fact, sex can have very little to do with it. Anyone can have sex with someone, but intimacy, that’s something very few people get to truly share with each other.
So if you have ever google searched “intimacy and how to get more” or something along those lines you would of probably got some generic dot point crap like, go for long walks on the beach, hold hands more often blah blah blah… and yeah I guess holding hands more and going for walks on the beach is a great idea, but they have missed a really important step. To be able to do those things and build intimacy from these things, the assumption is made that these people that want to build more intimacy are on the same page, the assumption is that they both respect each other and have taken the time to really deeply get to know that other person.
So like it or not the first and most essential step to building intimacy is honesty, being brutally honest about who you are, don’t sugar coat anything, be all of who you are and deal with your issues, you can’t build intimacy if you kind of give each other hate vibes!! Take the time to express who you are, talk to your partner about where you want the relationship to be (don’t complain and nag about it) sit down, be an adult and come from a place of love and express what kind of relationship you want to be in.
If they don’t receive it well don’t be reactive, let them know that this means a lot to you ask them if they can take time to think about if they can get on board with you or not. Most of the time people will be receptive to this if its done right. Once you are on the same page make sure you have the mutual respect and the openness to receive it all. When most people start a relationship you hide the dark stuff away in case the person your dating doesn’t like it, and then you get so far down the track that you feel like you can’t express those things, it almost feels like a white lie that has now blown out into a full on lie that can never be confessed. Well now its time to be brave and share, I mean share…. the dark, funny, dirty, silly, naughty and shameful. there is nothing wrong with you so let it out. I know it sounds cliche but if they love you they will love all sides of you, so be brave.
so where to now…. Now comes the fun and scary part, stop being adults and start being teenagers, share and get to know each other again, think of it as the honeymoon period. ask questions be attentive, get obsessed with each other.
Don’t get distracted, it’s easy to get excited about something these days and then forget about it in a weeks time. Don’t do this, make the commitment to play this full out if you don’t then how bad did you really want it in the first place? The only option from here is to play it full out or go back to the life you were unhappy with and stop complaining. The major distraction in intimate relationships these days are our mobile phones. It literally takes you away from the person in the room, the person in the room chose you as the one they want to spend their time with, respect that and put your phone down otherwise whats the point. Seriously, why are you with them if they don’t capture you? pull your head out of that phone and become captivated.
Acknowledge them for who they are, take them in and see them for all their beauty. Choose to see the best in them and love their downfalls.
Choose them over and over again, its a daily commitment, so do that every day.
Make love, but do it properly. For women we want to be wooed, so do it, put your hand on her hip pull her close and kiss her neck slowly and whisper in her ear how beautiful and fuckable she is. For guys they want to be admired and needed, so worship them, tell them how manly and sexy they are and how much you want them, men love to be shown that they are wanted, so go down on them in the kitchen, in the car… anywhere, show them how much you want them.
Make eye contact, become a connection junkie. look to make a connection with them whenever you can. Lay in bed and talk, no T.V no phones just the two if you, try things like Kiss Meditation to bring you two in tune with each other.
The more you do these things the more intimate the little things feel like, the deeper the connection with your lover the more the intimacy builds and now, now you can do walks on the beach and hold hands
*photo credit annierubyy